The Angry Spider

By Lauren Rubin

That big red barn in my backyard

The musky smell, breathings so hard

A pigeons nest, a fat black stray

I hear mice rustle throughout the hay

The sunlight dances through a crack

I set my eye on something whack

A spider's web with words profound

I felt my jaw just hit the ground

Bad words I'd never said before

Words like twat, and bitch, and whore!

Hundreds of webs all over the wall

The colorful spider curled up in a ball

With a poke she expands to show me her size

As big as a platel, backing up would be wise

"I've got a bone to pick with you," she said not so kind

Did that spider just talk?

I think I've lost my mind!

"Earlier last week you squished my lovers guts,

ever since then I've gone simply nuts!

I can't eat, I can't sleep, I just spin day to day.

Planning how to kill you next time you come my way!"

"That wasn't me, I don't kill. I'm with PETA for God's sake!

This lover you speak so fondly of, his life I'd never take!"

With her fangs out, her eyes wide, she pounced onto me

I fell into the sticky web, my panties wet with pee

I struggle, I fight, to escape the gooey trap

No one can hear me as I'm screaming, " Help Me! Crap!"

Her offspring tickle as they crawl up my skin

I pray for God to take me fast and search for my inner Zen

They eat chunks of my belly and nibble at my face

They devour my eyeballs at a very rapid pace

My brain is picked to pieces, my body cold and dead

"That serves her right for killing him," the angry spider said

The arachnids slept with their bellies full as my nerves gave their last twitch

Next time you consider killing the living, remember: Karma is a Bitch